Public Moments at The Cafe 2.0

Incident 2.1
On my way to the café the inevitable happened. Obediently taking the right hand side of the sidewalk, an offensive line of three middle-aged women tried to take me to the streets. Literally. The women carried their shoulders like game day linesmen, perfectly aligned and relentlessly staying on course. Fully determined to stand my ground – and not side step into oncoming traffic on Yonge Street – I locked my arms, elbows and fingers to embrace my fate. Sure enough, a direct hit to my left forearm, but I wasn’t shaken or moved.

I was rattled though. When are people going to access those flickering brain cells and acknowledge proper social etiquette? Maybe in other countries societies adopt the chaos theory, but this is Canada. We drive on the right side of the road, we walk on the right side of the sidewalk, and we enter double door entries on the right hand side. Well, that’s what is taught to kindergartners at least. Recess and gold stars aside, If walking with a crowd in a straight line the logical maneuver would be to respectfully shift to the left. Don’t panic, it’s only for a moment, just long enough that others can pass you without facing a gauntlet.

Incident 2.2
The woman in front of me has a trench coat length black fur coat. Didn’t know that was still happening. She has also topped her ensemble with a brimmed floppy beret. Just saying.

Incident 2.3
Yet another inevitable crossroad in my day – the need to use the facilities, but no one is around to watch my things.

Incident 2.4
Awkward and socially inept people make me so uncomfortable for some reason. I couldn’t even enjoy most of Napolean Dynamite because of this.

Incident 2.5
Situating myself near the GO station offers a constant rush of entertainment as people are sprinting down the street to catch their trains. This priority defies moving vehicles, traffic lights and other pedestrians. Some people amaze me and, yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them was injured mid-stride.